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Submitted by LM Hawes Leighton, AL
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RETIRED HUSBAND AT WAL-MART
Dear Mrs. Fenton:
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill
Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and
have considered banning the entire family from
shopping in any of our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video
surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are
attending counseling from the trouble your husband has
caused.
All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled
and are listed below:
MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton
Complaints - Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his
spouse was shopping in our store:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly
put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to
go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and
watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to
put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in
if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help
him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people
just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera;
used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, asked the clerk if he knows where the
antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced
his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the
loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and
screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And; last, but not least!
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
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